My Crazy-Ass Ride to Menopause: Part 2 of 2

Well, it’s been 4 years since I last wrote about my menopause trials and tribulations. This past March I finally OFFICIALLY hit actual menopause (12 months straight without a period), and yes, yes I DID have a menopause party!

So… I believe my perimenopause started in around 2012 and my last period was in March of 2018. That’s a really long-ass time of instability in a woman’s cycle!

At first, I even hesitated to write about it. I mean seriously, does anyone care about my cycle? My guess is there are a lot of women going through the craziness, looking for someone to tell it like it is. There’s a lot of women out there who are at their wit’s end, having a very difficult time. Therefore, if I can help someone, I most certainly will.

Over the last six years, all my girlfriends have been at some stage of perimenopause. From really witchy mood swings, sore boobs, and nearly bleeding to death—each of us has experienced it differently. Of course, one of them felt nothing. Just one day, poof! no period. No fanfare. Just nothing. *sigh.* Honestly, I don’t think that’s the norm. If it were, you probably wouldn’t be poking around the interwebs looking for help.

If you read my last post from a few years ago (link above) you know I had it bad. Perimenopause, that is. I wrote that in 2015, and honestly, it got worse if you can believe that!

At one point I was going through 3 boxes of 36 tampons AND 3 packages of 24 pads A MONTH. I was spending enough money to feed a small village. Every time I got up from a sitting position, a clot the size of an egg would pass. If I lifted anything heavier than a gallon of milk, I needed to run to the bathroom.

Forget spending any amount of time, anywhere. If I went to the grocery store I had to take a couple pads and 3 tampons with me. And not just regular pads like normal people use —I wore those obscene HUGE pads that cover from under the belly button to the tailbone and are supposed to last 10 hours. (They didn’t!) It was ridiculous! Thankfully the seats in my car are leather because I had to clean them more than once. So frustrating!

Sometimes I might miss a month or two. But then I would bleed for 3 weeks straight. Once, not even lying, I had it every day for 8 months. Shoot me now. It wasn’t always heavy in that timeframe, but it was there.

My doctor and I were in touch through all of this. She said a D&C would help. It didn’t. She put me on progesterone-only (the pill). The normal dose is 10mg. I was on 40mg. It’s like that pill didn’t affect me in the least. My uterus thumbed its nose at everything the doctor did. I took that dose of progesterone for TWO YEARS. The doctor said she’d never seen anything like this.

The only good thing about that pill was it got rid of my lumpy breasts.

I still was on triple the iron for anemia due to all the blood I was losing. My sciatic nerve was driving me crazy and my memory was a bit foggy. I started grasping for certain words. I still do. Not gonna lie, it’s kinda scary.

A lot of weird stuff happens to your mind and body during perimenopause. Hot flashes are weird. For me it feels like someone is gently placing their hand (that was heated in a pizza oven) on my back at the bottom of my shoulder. A few of my friends feel them come from the front of their body, mine are always from the back. They aren’t horrible though, nothing that a paper fan won’t help.

But I have seen people have them so bad they feel like they need to undress or at the very least open a window—even in the middle of winter. Sweat pouring from their head, red in the face. Thankfully I never had it that bad.

I also suffered from plantar fasciitis (my feet killed me) and restless leg syndrome. That really sucked. All you wanna do is freaking sleep but your legs are like—not tonight! Then there’s chronic constipation and night sweats. Good times. I was on Miralax for a year. A. Year.

A couple times I was bleeding so heavily that during my annual pap exam I had to get that stupid biopsy done. Anyone who has had one of those knows how completely awful they are! Why on earth has no one come up with a way to NUMB a woman who needs that procedure? I mean seriously, are you freaking kidding me?

The last one I had (because I had heavy bleeding after my period stopped for 5 months)—the doc had to take 4 snips out of me because I was already bleeding so bad. Then she calls the next day and started out by saying, “I’m so sorry, but I didn’t get enough tissue to run the test.”

I was like… well that’s too bad, I’m not going through that again. She instead had me come for a vaginal ultrasound. Everything in there was fine.

My gyno was great though, she kept trying. She called me to see how I was doing. She said we could try a hysterectomy. I was like… um… no. I didn’t want to have major surgery. Plus, knowing my body, I was probably like RIGHT THERE ON THE CUSP of menopause.

Turns out I was. I stuck it out 6 more months and viola! One day, after vacation… because apparently my uterus wanted to ruin just one more Jamaica trip… all of a sudden it just stopped.

And this wasn’t like any previous times when it stopped for a month or two (or even the time my period stopped for five whole months). This time I just instinctively knew…it was over.

It’s now been a year and a few months since I have had a period. I am officially in menopause. I LOVE IT. I have never slept so soundly. My breasts don’t hurt, and I can do things! I can work in the yard and lift heavy things without a care in the world. I can take car rides! It sounds crazy but these are the things I appreciate most now. Just being able to do every day normal things without bleeding to death. Life is good.

I did end up having a menopause party. I figured I was totally entitled to it. A few of my friends and I went to a wine and dessert bar at noon one day. We had party hats and put a good buzz on. I even stood up and gave a speech to my uterus. I figured I owed it that much.

To anyone having a rough time with perimenopause, I say, stay in contact with your doctor. Listen to your body. Do what you feel is right for YOU. Try different things. And most of all, it DOES get better! Hang in there!